the real man

i was able to watch a ms. gay beauty pageant some days ago. believe it or not, it is actually my first time to witness a competition such as that. I mean, sure, i know for a fact that there is such pageants. I have watched it over the television but to see them in flesh doing their cat walks on the stage...well, it was really my first time.

when i was on my way to the place, i thought i'll just get bored because i must admit, i went there not to see the show but to accompany a friend who happened to be one of the judges that evening. whether i like it or not, i have to be there for my friend.

indeed, i have to stay. the lights turned off. the audience begun shouting and cheering. loud music started to play. i heard hands clapping and the production number of the contestant has begun.

goodness! the gays were fabulous. they were really beautiful and stunning with their dresses. if i werent aware that its a gay competition, i would even think that i'm watching a beauty and brains pageant for women. i was amazed and to be honest, the lovely gays left me something to think of that night.

during their production number, each of the candidates would introduced themselves as would usually mention a slogan of their own. sort of telling to their audience of their respective principles in life.

most of them or should i say, almost all of them quoted a saying which goes out like, viz: "its hard to be a man when youre not a real man, its hard to be a woman when youre not a real woman, we may be gays but we come into the open because we are just being true!"

initially, i laughed for the statement specially the way they say it, its kinda funny. but after a while, i realized that such statments indeed is very meaningful. it speaks of being true to one's self and not to fear of the how will people look up to them after coming out.

then i begun to asked, why are there people who hide of their true identity? why are there people who hide of themselves? why are there people who pretend? and why are there people who doesnt confess?

the only thing i can think of to be a good answer is the word "FEAR"

of what?

well, maybe of how will the society take their revelations...
or maybe of how will people treat them after coming out in the closet..
or might even as well, worrying of the things they may loss in being real...
or worst, might be that they fear of themselves.

there are really people who worries a lot of the society. i mean, pretension comes in because the community might have negative notions and comments. people may start getting away, maintaining a distance with the revelation one might have had. there are people though who manage to pretend and ignore themselves because they are afraid of the truth that they are into things that they believed to be wrong.

these people are idiots! and nothing but fools because they think of how will they please others without thinking of pleasing their own selves. to me, life is simple. basic is the rule that you cannot give what you do not have. that easy, right?

but with these people who, pretend and hide of their true identity, feelings and thoughts, pleasing others is their primary considertion. they hope that making others happy would make them happy. they please them hoping they would be pleased too.

lemme put it this way, its just like craving for ice cream but because its rainy season, you would prefer not to eat it as its absurd to have something cold when the weather is already one. its funny right? but its true.

we always think of how will others think of us when we could worry more of how will we see ourselves. we have always planned of how will we be able to make others happy when we never had the change to think of our own happiness.

people come to the point of lying, good if only to others but worst if they go beyond fo lying unto themselves and conscience. they pretend not to feel of something that is intensely within them. they hope that things will be better if they continue to be that way. they smile and laugh when they know that they are hurting. they hide. they act differently. they wear masks when they all have the chances to take off the same..... at their own expense..... that they dont realize.

that night, i must admit, i begun appreciating the gay group of the society. the man tribe may say that they are a disgrace to the masculine community but little did they know that these people are just being true... and i find them even more better. far beyond than those men who in all respects are masculine but being hyprocite unto themselves, pretending not capable of feeling, when their acts are very vivid.

gays are indeed softer than men but in some ways, gays are more masculine than men do because they can stand on their being gays as compared to those men who pretends to be not human.