completing the incomplete

it is indeed a rare occassion for me to have dinner with all family members around. well, i never had that setting to be frank about it. separation came during my early childhood years and since then, i was never been blessed to have my meals again with a setting of a dining table with complete utensils, food and beverages alike and of course a family to share such.

i dont know whether i'll call it a tragedy (?) or blessing (?) of having an incomplete life. at one point, it is a tragedy because it brought me a well of pains. i shed a river of tears and had a overflowing falls of sadness. traumatic indeed. a state of mind that i have 27 years now. and it just keeps on coming back no matter how i tried of forgetting.

on the other hand, it is a blessing because with those many wounded feelings and anxieties, i have developed the sthrength within me and ultimately emerged like the bamboo found in the backyard of our house. so strong that i cant even feel the pain anymore. or better yet, i dont even noticed how some people may have hurt me already.

i have been able to be me now with all those experiences. they say that i am already somebody, well,... perhaps that may be true.... because of the appellation that is written before the name probably.... they may be right at some point. that is, as to them.....

when moments like this come, i cant help but to go back on the day that i begun to see the beauty of the earth. when i was still delicately carried by the people who allowed me to breath. a time when no words were not yet in my tongue and the time when all i have to do is to close my eyes as i wait for the next drop of milk in my lips. the world was so quiet then. so peaceful.....

yet,... the clock never stopped from rotating. and little did i knew, my life will be as it is now.

many may ask, am i not contented with what have happened to my life? with all the achievements? with the money? with the prestige? with the things i have?

lemme answer it this way,....

if given the chance to choose (and if only it would be possible), i want to be trapped in my childhood and have my meals in our dining table with complete settings.

unfortunately, i am but human. i cant dictate what the law of nature will bring and for that matter my only recourse is to live with the world that is given to me now.... to enjoy and be contented with the things that i have been receiving, share the blessing to others and above all learn from the lessons that past has given.

the dinner i just had, 3rd day of june, might not have the complete characters i always wanted but a rare opportunity to have at least a taste of becoming semi-complete.

be that as it may, hope, i still hold that someday, the incomplete me (then and now) will eventually have the completeness i always dreamed of .