Hopeless Me

for almost decades now, four to be exact, there is this thing in me that oftentimes makes me want to say but for some reasons i simply cant. i wanted to voice out some ideas, some expressions, some thoughts, some observations and some opinions. sadly though, i end up voicing everything to myself and not to anyone. precisely perhaps, i learned to write... for in doing so, i am able to open and have some medium just to ease whats inside me. 

at first, it was just a simple feeling of frustration to some things around me. i thought it was just an ordinary thing to have an opinion. but then, as days passed by..... years passed by that is--- I realized that it has been a habit on my part to just leave everything within me and have everything stored within the deepest chambers of my soul. all kept therein. sealed and has no idea it will someday want to burst.

later, i realized, the keeping is no longer healthy. i begun to feel sad, frustrated and worst, depressed! i know it has something to do with the sealed feelings within me and i know i should let it go but i simply cant get the courage to do it because for sure, i'll end up hurting the people dear to me. 

i was damn good in protecting the feelings of others. and damn good in making them happy because their happiness is also mine. but why the hell can't i feel the same way?

they say, we should live by the golden rule.... to do good to others and for them to be good to you too. not to be speaking like my head is bigger than my hat, but i could honestly say, i tried living by that principle in life. for the longest time, i offered myself to those whom i love and became selfless  even in so many ways, just to please them. just to make them happy and put then into pedestal. deep inside me, i was hopeful that one day, ill have the same... that they'll give me the same.... yet, reality has taught  me that, its not always the case and more often than not, it is unfair! too unfair that is!

when the time came that i finally decided to think of myself for a while. and give myself the chance to be happy too,.... i though i'll be. but then i was mistaken once more. shit! i cant be happy within me being happy alone! and it hurts me as i find myself hurting whenever i ignore the people i love and give myself some priority. i felt so greedy and i know i cant be greedy!

now, im in the middle of thinking. with so many questions inside my head. what should i do? where do i start? and whom should i call to help me? 

i have always described myself as misunderstood because to my mind and i have felt it a million times that I am. who will ever understand me???? i myself is confused of how i feel and what to do, will there still be someone who could comprehend what i wanted to say.... wanted to do and wanted to become?

hopeless.... am and all i do in times of confusion is pray....

Let Go

Its been almost a week now and the feeds keep on coming. I know its a free country and everybody can air their views. Its the essence of democracy so they, but when shall it ever end? Sure, expressing one's opinion is good but for one to bragg about it to the point of hating others who chose to stay on the other side and curse them for being such is definately an exaggeration. Nah! Its actually OA!

I for one agree that freedom of expression should not be compromised. Its a basic right and we all should have the liberty to exercise it. Nevertheless, that freedom, like any other right, should not be understood to undermine the rights of others. Who the hell are we to call for respect of the right to freedom of expression when we ourselves dont know how to respect the right of others? My point is, air your opinion but don't expect everyone to buy it! They too have theirs and their right should also be respected.

Look, time changes. Even the weather does. From winter, spring, summer,  fall, from rainy to dry season. Some may not exactly want the cold and freezing winter feeling but its a natural phenomenon thus, the least thing one can do is to adopt and prepare to braise themselves when that time comes.

In like manner, what is good today may not necessarily the same tomorrow. One's fashion today may already be "badoy" in a day or two yet one thing is for sure, it will already be part of  history and may be adopted again in years to come. Simply because, its fashion! It changes so is life.

Keeping in mind the reality of change, a greatman to others who happens to be a dictator to some is a person whom they all knew. Bad or good, his being known to all makes him a personality that is being remebered. Think of him the way you want, thats ur right. But respect how others see him though it may totally be different from yours. Thats the so called freedom!

To this,  i say, to  hold  grudge is no good. I say unto thee, and hope, I do, that  eventually your will learn   to spell... not "forgiveness"  but rather letting go. Not for progress or anyyhing else  but more importantly for inner peace!

Let go not for your enemies...
Let go not for press release...
Let go not because its fashionable...
But let go because you should be loving yourself ..
And its the right thing to do.✌️️

coming back

for a while,... the long doing was not exercise.
reasons, so many and seem like unlimited.
thought it served no more,
but then again, she's coming back.

for a while.... remembering never lingered.
as if nothing was there.
thought it was just it,
but then again, she came back.

now, finally here
reviving the once page
idle no more, hopefully
keeping the passion burning.

foolish me

for years, i have tried my best to keep my eyes blind with the things that ought to be so vivid. i tried being frigid, unable to feel the pain despite the my heart being torn into pieces. i tried to understand and have everything into trash because i know, deep inside me, ill not consider it anyway. i thought i was in bliss, but i erred: i was in deep shit!

i was of the belief and was in great hopes that everything will be eventually fixed. i waited for sometime disregarding what others may say. i hoped and prayed. or even worst, i tried appealing, yet, still, the waiting was in vain. it never happened and truth is,... i ended up crying still. foolish me! for i allowed these things to happen? stupid, i, for i consented you to give me pain.

i know, i should be blamed myself, but what can i do, when during those times, i was blinded and knows nothing but to give what is best for the one i love? i did everything but it wasn't good enough. probably, it will never be and it will always be that way.

now, back to reality. have to pick up the pieces again. i don't know how, but i will try. besides, i have to think of myself too this time.

goodbye my love. goodbye!

the quiz

had a quiz. just for fun. didnt know it'll be real.

impossible love....

He loves you for sure and you love him too but... you know this love is impossible. That it won't work out... Or that the chance for it to go on and work well is very small and you're afraid of it... Just be happy with what you have. And keep the good memories in your heart and mind.

the return

its been a while. i have actually no idea why i did not blog for a while. well, the busy schedule can be a reason, although i know deep inside me, being busy is never a reason at all. lets just say, sometimes i tend not to think of things that make me in blue... or better yet, perhaps,... the act of not blogging will somehow... help me forget some things that more often than not make me cry. hmm.... maybe, i would not want to take all those things seriously during those times.... or maybe, i just want to try how is it to be in my silence even to myself. i cant actually explain. but one thing for sure, when i write, i tend to go into details. i tend to evaluate every curves of some thoughts and oftentimes, i end up being so sentimental. a sort of experimentation, lets just say,... i wanted not to be one, and so, i did forget blogging for a while. if i was able to achieve my goal...well,... perhaps ,... my being here again will explain everything.

and so im back!

in days to come, ill be again keeping in record my laughter,... smile ... melancholies and everything athat may afect my life. once again, ill be using this medium in expressing my views. the burden somehow will be liter... thru this section.

irony of love

in our life, there are things that seemingly are unacceptable traits of human. characters which if taken per se fall within the purview of negatives yet little did we know, these traits sometimes also brings some good feelings to others.

my friend once told me that his girld friend is kinda "corny." why? well, according to him, she keeps on telling him that she loves him so much to the point that its getting too much and is already annoying. is it really "corny"? i say,... its sweet.

here's this another guy too who keeps on telling me that he is madly in love to someone but keeps on saying that its ok for his partner to have an entertain admirers and to settle with someone she truly loves just in case. as if he's pushing the one he loves to get into some oher relationships. and he calls it love????? i say....its stupidity!

reasons they all have and sad to say, all of them justify their actuations by reasoning out that its all because of love!

is it really love?????