i dont really know whats with this but lemme share it to whomever is fond of expressing themselves in many ways. its actually a song that i havent even sing but as i listen to it, it lifts up my spirit. why? well, lets just say... im just but human!
like anyone would be
i am flattered by your fascinations with me
like any hotblooded woman
i have simply wanted an object to crave
but you, youre not allowed
youre uninvited
an unfortunate slight
must be strangely exciting
to watch the stoic squim
must be someone heartening
to watch shepherd meet sheperd
but you, youre not allowed
youre uninvited
an unfortunate slight
like any uncharted territory
i must seem greatly intriguing
you speak of my love like
you have experienced love like mine before
but this is not allowed
youre uninvited
an unfortuante slight
i dont think you unworthy
i need a moment to deliberate.
sometimes, we have to let go of things not because we dont want them but simply because its not ours. crazy though because why would they have to come along right? i dont know. i dont have the answer. but one thing for sure, everything comes with a purpose. may not be vivid now but sooner or later itll just come before our very eyes. in the least time we expect.
i too have this "knowing-holding on-letting go and hoping still" drama. was hurt. so deep. did trust. so well. went crazy, indeed but after a while, i have lessons learned. i became stronger and so i say..... someday... i'll see you again.
when that time comes, ...... we'll see who really is uninvited.
i was able to watch a ms. gay beauty pageant some days ago. believe it or not, it is actually my first time to witness a competition such as that. I mean, sure, i know for a fact that there is such pageants. I have watched it over the television but to see them in flesh doing their cat walks on the stage...well, it was really my first time.
when i was on my way to the place, i thought i'll just get bored because i must admit, i went there not to see the show but to accompany a friend who happened to be one of the judges that evening. whether i like it or not, i have to be there for my friend.
indeed, i have to stay. the lights turned off. the audience begun shouting and cheering. loud music started to play. i heard hands clapping and the production number of the contestant has begun.
goodness! the gays were fabulous. they were really beautiful and stunning with their dresses. if i werent aware that its a gay competition, i would even think that i'm watching a beauty and brains pageant for women. i was amazed and to be honest, the lovely gays left me something to think of that night.
during their production number, each of the candidates would introduced themselves as would usually mention a slogan of their own. sort of telling to their audience of their respective principles in life.
most of them or should i say, almost all of them quoted a saying which goes out like, viz: "its hard to be a man when youre not a real man, its hard to be a woman when youre not a real woman, we may be gays but we come into the open because we are just being true!"
initially, i laughed for the statement specially the way they say it, its kinda funny. but after a while, i realized that such statments indeed is very meaningful. it speaks of being true to one's self and not to fear of the how will people look up to them after coming out.
then i begun to asked, why are there people who hide of their true identity? why are there people who hide of themselves? why are there people who pretend? and why are there people who doesnt confess?
the only thing i can think of to be a good answer is the word "FEAR"
of what?
well, maybe of how will the society take their revelations...
or maybe of how will people treat them after coming out in the closet..
or might even as well, worrying of the things they may loss in being real...
or worst, might be that they fear of themselves.
there are really people who worries a lot of the society. i mean, pretension comes in because the community might have negative notions and comments. people may start getting away, maintaining a distance with the revelation one might have had. there are people though who manage to pretend and ignore themselves because they are afraid of the truth that they are into things that they believed to be wrong.
these people are idiots! and nothing but fools because they think of how will they please others without thinking of pleasing their own selves. to me, life is simple. basic is the rule that you cannot give what you do not have. that easy, right?
but with these people who, pretend and hide of their true identity, feelings and thoughts, pleasing others is their primary considertion. they hope that making others happy would make them happy. they please them hoping they would be pleased too.
lemme put it this way, its just like craving for ice cream but because its rainy season, you would prefer not to eat it as its absurd to have something cold when the weather is already one. its funny right? but its true.
we always think of how will others think of us when we could worry more of how will we see ourselves. we have always planned of how will we be able to make others happy when we never had the change to think of our own happiness.
people come to the point of lying, good if only to others but worst if they go beyond fo lying unto themselves and conscience. they pretend not to feel of something that is intensely within them. they hope that things will be better if they continue to be that way. they smile and laugh when they know that they are hurting. they hide. they act differently. they wear masks when they all have the chances to take off the same..... at their own expense..... that they dont realize.
that night, i must admit, i begun appreciating the gay group of the society. the man tribe may say that they are a disgrace to the masculine community but little did they know that these people are just being true... and i find them even more better. far beyond than those men who in all respects are masculine but being hyprocite unto themselves, pretending not capable of feeling, when their acts are very vivid.
gays are indeed softer than men but in some ways, gays are more masculine than men do because they can stand on their being gays as compared to those men who pretends to be not human.
you can't believed it?
why that look?
you can't take it?
this you wanted,
now its yours!
im no longer the girl you used to ignore,
the girl you used to hurt,
the girl you used to play,
this you made of,
now its yours!
had no light to guide then
you took my hand
i hold on
suddenly you left me hanging
its your call!
wondering?.....
surprised?.....
angry?....
of my being worse?....
your made me!
you hurt me no more
you affects me nothing
you made me an angel
you turned me to a devil
you produced me!
now, why that look?
whats so surprising?
whats so unusual?
and whats so hurting?
isnt not this you wanted?
you asked for it
i was in damn hell
had hard time comprehending
but you intensely insisted
now ITS ALL YOURS!
SEE THE WORST IN MY LOVE!
dearest ,
its almost a new day.... one o'clock in the morning.... i should be sleeping already. i wanted to. did try to close my eyes but.... bullshit! i just cant get myself out of this thing inside me now brought about by a god damn person like you!
i wanted to hit you... if only i can...
to slap you in the face... if only i have chance ....
and throw you in hell.... if only there is a possibility!
you know what?,
youre a big liar!!!
the most ungentle creature i've ever met!
the most insensitive human in the world!
and the greatest pretender in the entire universe!!!
u call for honesty when you know yourself is untrue?
u call others to give love when you, yourself dont know how to love?
i dont even know now whether youre still human?
because u dont project to be one!
its not what you wear, what you say that builds your idenity; its how you do what you say exemplified by what you wear that speaks of who you are, for words may be powerful but oftentimes decieving, specially for people who doesnt know about having honor and integrity!
this i share to thou! FAKE!
