so i thought

i thought i have gone over it.
i thought i have finally risen from the mud of pain.
i thought it'll not be hurting anymore.
i thought im already okay.
i was wrong,....so wrong!

i thought ill be happy.
i thought it would happen again.
i thought ill be swred this time.
i thought ill not get affected.
i was wrong,... so wrong!

when will i ever learn?
when will i ever stop?
when will it ever come?
when will it ever be different?
when will i not be worng again???.....

even if im alone

i have always dream of a time that i could finally spend sometime for myself and relax. i have been working the entire time and have been killing the clock just to leave everything unnoticed. i used to have a lot of excuses. too many work to be done,places to go, meetings to attend and people to serve. sigh.... its been almost like.... three years (?) and i havent really have that time for myself. now,.. finally! its here! yehey!

i dont know this place... tis is actually my first time to be here. i just saw it in the internet and indeed, its haven! i will never really reget coming here even if im alone.

im in front of my laptop, punching the keys trying to express the feeling of being here...alone but i must say... contented. impossible as it may seem but, yes, im into bliss because finally i made it! i know any reader of my blog would be in wonder what am i trying to drive at. some may even tagged me as am crazy yet,.. i really dont care. one thing for sure,.... its nice to know that finally, i could say, i have give n something for myself.... and not just for anybody else. im so happy at this point of my life because finally (again) i have managed to consider myself this time.

yes, for so long.... i thought i would never have the chance to offer anything for ME. all for the people around me... people i love,.. family, friends.. love ones.... all for them... nothing for me. sigh.... i used to asked,.. when can i finally give for myself? its been a long waiting.... and i just cant explain the feeling of finishing a castle that has been long planned in the sky. ....

i could hear the waves in the sea shore this time of he night... and its music to my ears... the place is calm and i just want to get the tranquil ambiance of this haven in my system. i really love it!

i will surely come back here.... soon.... sure, even if im alone.. i know i can be happy!

i can wait 4ever

When you say, I miss the things you do,
I just wanna get back close again to you.
But for now, your voice is near enough,
How I miss you, when I miss you, love.
And though,
All the days that pass me by so slow
All the emptiness inside me flows, all around,
And there's no way out
I'm just thinkin' so much of you,
There was never any doubt...

I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there, too
I can wait forever, if you will, I know it's worth it all
To spend my life alone with you.

When it looked, as though my life was wrong,
You took my love and gave it somewhere to belong
I'll be here, when hope is out of sight,
I just wish that I was next to you tonight, and oh
I'll be reachin' for you even though,
You'll be somewhere else, my love will go
Like a bird, on it's way back home
I could never let you go, and I just want you to know...

Where are you know?
Alone, with the thoughts we share
Keep them strong somehow,
And you know, I'll always be there...

I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there, too
I can wait, forever if you will, I know it's worth it all
To spend my life alone...
I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there, too,
I can wait, forever if you will, I can wait forever or more...
I can wait forever...

not love, just magic

just last night i had the chance to see an friend whom i havent chatted for quite sometime. it was so nice to see her again and greatful to learned that she is already a doctor. never did i thought she has that kind of ambitions as during her younger years, she exemplifies a gal who hated activites which require some serious readings. honestly, i find her so cool because she could exactly concentrate her schooling despite of enjoying her life then being a teenager. i must admit, there was this scyntilla of envy within me then well, may be because i had a very "uniquely restrictive" life when i was young... unlike that of her. anyway, as i was saying, it was like ... hmnnn..... ten years???? since the last time we had a good chat. i see her around but both of us would just wave our hands and give exchanges of hellos. last nght was quite different because we were able to seat for a while and actually shared some views and stories after the long missing.

with us talking now, its totally different. we both were young then and now no more. we are now grown ups and have taken life the more serious way. and yes,... as we're both single still, settling down was an interesting topic to share over a cup of coffee and a stick of cigar.

i thought she's already married,.. wasn't sure and so, i have to throw her that qustion in a manner that will not will not make me kinda stupid. finally, i got the answer, and indeed she is still single. asked her the reason why? there i begun to be a student and learned a simple yet a meaty lesson in life.

according to her, at our age, we sould not be looking for someone to love, instead we should be looking just for magic. at first i didnt actually get it but after some more exchanges of thought, i realized, there's a logic in it.

just a simple line but it made me think. im posting it here with the hope that it will be a factor for anybody who can read it in chosing a partner in life.

"FIND A SOMEONE WHOM WHEN D LOVE IS GONE, THE FRIENDSHIP KEEPS YOU BONDED!