releasing

i really dont know what to write at this moment. i know i have a lot of things in my head and in my heart to write but i simply dont know how to start the jottting. i am confused (?) disturbed (?) worried (?) but one thing i know for sure is that, certinly, i want to make some release of whatever thing i have inside me at this very moment. i feel that its too heavy already... and it very hard carrying this thing. im too afraid that anytime now, i might eventually break down.

god..... i cant take it anymore. its been months now... but the cuts here in me are fresh still. i dont know why and i am amazed why am i like this now. i used to be a strong person. can manage to walk alone in the middle of a road full of darkness. i used to be alone. have no friends around. nobody to share and no one to hold on. i was trained to have only nothing but myself. i did survive. i see no reason why i cant be like who i am before.

with you walking into my life though, i become to wonder why cant i be?
when you brought me joy but double it of melancholy (?)
when you disregarded everything that went between us and treated me as your enemy (?) when you touched my life but torn my heart into pieces(?)
when you denied , who you are when we were together, when you treated me nothing but a stranger by now?
when you made me wait for nothing?
when you fooled me and played of my feelings?
when you lied of being true?
when you betrayed me?..

perhaps its for real....
perhaps its real...
that despite of every follishing thing you've shown me, i was indeed sincere when i said i love you...