wants that are unwanted

at this moment of my life i can say that im really tired.... i dont know whether its right for me to say this...its absurd, indeed but i cant fool myself.... i find it too hard for me to live life and i hate myself for being such a coward.

i have a lot of things is mind and would like to say it all but, i simply cant. i wanted to do a lot of things that i know will make me happy but, god! i just dont have the heart to do it mainly because, i have to consider the happiness of the people around me.

lately, i have been asking, when can i ever learn to love myself? stupid query! but its true. when can i ever learn to give and spare something for myself? when will i ever get tired of please all the people around me? when will i ever think of my own happiness? and when will i ever learn?

questiosn i want to answer.... things i want to do... but as i see myself right now... its just like, that time will never ever come...