song title: why?

the music that a heart sings really is very sweet... the melody makes one smile and it lingers in the ears of man. it remains within the soul not just for days, months, years but even for eternal.

yet the songs that the heart sings are not always sweet. sometimes sad tune comes in play and the beating becomes quite irregular. it manages to feel pain and tears more often than not roll in the cheeks of man.

there are songs of the heart indeed that lift us into the summit of nirvana. it bring joy into our lives....make us see the color of the world and make us smell the fragrance of the flowers. when these songs are being played, we think of forever....

yet, its not always the case. good things never last as they say. frustrating is, painful songs are being played played longer. the reason why sometimes, man tend to ask and blame somebody outthere.

i know its wrong. but man as i may do have some questions in mind that until now remains unanswered. like... why do i have to met a person whom could hurt me so badly? why cant i forget someone when i have been compelling myself to get him out of my mind? why do i love thee? why cant i hate him? and why are you affecting my life so well?

the song that is being played in the radio of my life now is something that i dont want to hear. aside from the fact that it spells melancholy, it slowly take away my personality. i hate it because i feel like im too damned. i know im a fool but i've never been too damn in my entire life than who i am now. i wanted to hate you yet i end up hating myself.

why?

i have been good to my fellowmen and to you. tried to please all of them including you, didnt i? i tried sacrificing for you.... i risk it all and i have given you my all.

yet, you consider me as the object of your game. of all people why you? you, whom i consider to be a son of god? you, whom i adore, i respect, i trust and i love? i want to kill you, thats true. but bull shit! i simply cant!

wrong sent

heart's day is over. but its nice to remember though what have happened during that day.

i received a lot of greetings both from old and new friends on the 14th . i decided to let the day pass by unnoticed, because i really dont want to think of the occassion. and so i ignored all of them.

was late afternoon when my cellphone beeped....a new message. i thought it was my lady lawyer friend whom i have a rendesvouz for that night. i eagerly opened it only to find out that its a message coming from a person who have been the reason of me forgetting of the heart's day occassion.

the greatest shock of my life indeed. imagine, the person who is projecting to me that i'm nothing, and that he doest care, now txting me HAPPY VELENTINES DAY" ?....... wow! one hell of a miracle, right?

that moment, no scintilla of happiness emerged inside me. like, this bullshit creature of god, who have caused me pain for so long when he under estimated my being me. i mean, ... i cant think of any reason for him to hurt me that much.... but still he did. i have no choice. i have to take it and simply have to get used to live alone without him as a friend.

i have managed to move on. it was hard..so hard... indeed. if only i could let everybody reading this now the cuts i received for doing something that is totally against my will, i will definately will, but my words are not enough to describe it, because the hurting was beyond compare...

im almost okay,.... have tried killing every feeling that i have inside me.tried to be numbed too. somehow i was succeeding and was doing quite well with my own world when suddenly, here you come again????!!!!

its just a text message, i know, but you have just elevated your being a pretender and the great liar of all times!!! the guts of greeting me happy heart's day when you are the very reason who have killed my heart!? the guts of texting my number a message that is supposed to be not mine? trying to fake everything again? to fake me? of what? that you wanted to greet me, only that you dont want me to know that you care? trying to have some stories again?

was a message that is not for me as you wanted me to believe it. was a wrong sent. just but proper to return it back to you.

letting go of the rope

a friend in the office once asked me, "why do we have to let go when we can also hold on?"

according to her, its the irony sometimes that we let go when we have already managed to hold on into a situation we are aware of to be so strange from the very beginning?

somewhow, she is right.... but as i write this blog, i have exactly answer of the opposite side.

we hold on into something because we like it.... oftentimes we feel that its good for us and most of the time, we woke up in the morning realizing, the things is the reason for the smile in our lips.

we tend to be so blind indeed. that we never noticed how the green leaves of the trees fall in the ground as autum comes. we always thinks that its the spring time and we just have to accept it that its never good being like that.

for a person like me, who have tried holding on and saving something that i once thought to be worth treasuring.... come now the point of my life when i finally decided to let go of the rope.

why?

because while holding on into something you once held for so LONG is good, when hurting comes into the picture.... pain is apparent and very vivid.... the rope becomes so short and slippery that you dont have any choice but to let go.

its painful specially when the rope have been a part of you. but when changes come, letting go is the best thing to do in order to rebuilt not of the rope but thy hands to hold into something that is worth holding of.

i am indeed letting go of your rope but never the threads that have already created scars in my hand while holding it because no matter how hard i try now, those will always be there to remind me that once in my life, i have found you... i have cared for you and i have loved you to the fullest.

the rope is never small and my hands never slipped away, letting go means no goodbye but its a way of showing how of staying forever.

i let go of you now my love; but now will never let go of you;
i will let go of now; but i will never let of you!