giving: two sides of the coin

sometimes there are things that we just cant explain. things that we want to say but we just cant fnd the right words to use in expressing the same. often times too, we chose to be silent to avoid arguements and for us not to hurt some people we love. we tend to be good in the eyes of our loves ones because we wanted to please them. all for the ultimate aim.... to make them happy.

my "inainahan" once described me to a giver. well, i really dont know. and i really cant tell. perhaps she sees me that way. according to her too, i have been used to give so much attention to the people i love to the point of forgetting about myself. hmnnn.... really? im not aware. all i know is that i want them to feel how much they mean to me and that ill do everything for them.

unfortunately, not all of them see it that way. i dont even know whether they appreciate it. one even told me that he's having a hard time dealing with me..... like he cant breath anymore.

i wanted to say "i beg to disagree"....

i wanted to say, "youre wrong".... ...

that "please understand me".......

and wanted to asked, "why are you too insensitive of what i feel?"..... "where did i go wrong?" ......

and "why are you hurting me ?"........

but i decided to just leave it as it is. i opt to be in my silence and just cure the cut the statement caused within me. in short, i didnt mind the pain.... i just kept on and with all honesty, tried my best to do what he wanted despite the tears....

my "inainahan" adviced me to let go of the baggages.... i am trying my best... if only she knew..... i am... with all might..... i am ..... but you see,... things really just dont happened the way we want them to be. and i cant do anything about it.

i am hoping thought that the heavens will help me in my long journey of life. i have been alone.... still alone and might be that will perpetually be alone but i will learn to accept it for me to start enjoying my own life.

i have lerned one thing for today.... loving should not mean placing things the way we want them to be.... it is accepting the person we love..... all sides of him.

i hoped,..... i will also be acepted that way.