wonderin'

i have always wanted to post this blog for like a month now. i kept on holding it in my mind because i would not want to think that i am really is that morbid. i honestly believe that what i have in me during those times is a feeling that somehow makes me smile. problem is, i cant find the answers within me why and what is that smile for. could it be that im happy? of could it be that im sad?

well, perhaps a reader like you would want to help me find out. i know i am no perfect and at times really have some doubts as to the feelings i have inside. if you were in my shoes, how would you feel if news would reached you to the effect that the person who used to hate is already..... dead (?)

i wanted to say,... well good for him.. he deserves it. but i know its never proper. i wanted too to think and utter that may he rest in peace but i know he'll not because of the evil things he did to me.

i dont know. wonderin' really i am. a part of me says, i should forgive but a question tells me otherwise. how would you forgive someone who never dare asked for forgiveness? worse, will you ever foregive someone who would say that he never did err? how will you reconcile forgiveness withouth repentance?

you tell me.... perhaps you know better than i do......